"Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ, and you will find Him, and with Him, everything else thrown in."
This happens to be the last quote that Lewis leaves his readers with and also one that particularly resonated with me. It was the first passage I underlined when I initially bought the book (long before I actually got around to reading it, of course) and flipped to the back to discover how many pages it contained. In this piece of text, Lewis summarizes the purpose of Mere Christianity: to prevent and save people from living lives filled with hatred, loneliness, despair and ultimately, death. Instead he offers us an alternative: Christ.
Lewis lays out the precise things that I have found in my experience with fulfilling the wants and needs of the all-important "I". If I were to be completely and utterly honest, I would have to admit to being a very selfish person. So often in my relentless pursuit of approval, self-worth, satisfaction, and success, I completely disregard the feelings and well-being of those around me and damage the relationships that matter most. In the midst of my frenzied search for what makes Sonia happy, Jesus gets pushed off to the side, forgotten, and ignored. In spite of all of my efforts, all I seem to find is fleeting happiness, hollow contentment, and in the end, brokenness. For a long time, I thought that if I gave the appearance of having it all together that eventually my pretense would become my reality . But it never did. Regardless, I keep trying to find myself or define myself or whatever and I keep ending up with the same empty and disillusioned result. But this quotation offers me reassurance, hope, and a fresh perspective on the matter.
If I refrain from my ceaseless indulgence of me me me and wholeheartedly focus on letting Christ be at the forefront of my thoughts and actions I just might find that I feel a lot less empty and inadequate. Of course, life will still be messy, and I'll still make mistakes, but I firmly believe Christ is more than enough to balance out my imperfections and work me into his perfect plan. Then and only then will everything fall into place.
Ahhhhh, Sonia that was soooo good. I can deeply relate to your feelings and have the same hope for myself. :) First, I want to say that I lovee your style of writing, your unique voice, and eloquent flow: "fleeting happiness, hollow contentment, and in the end, brokenness"-that just got to me! It was so beautiful!! haha but really. This was really amazing. Thank you for sharing so openly, as I'm sure many of us struggle with this as well. It is always comforting to know you're not the only one going through things like this (well at least for me). But continue to take these steps to pursuing Christ and I'm sure He will continue to work in and through you as He has been doing already. :) Love you and fantastic job, Twin! :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Hanna-- beautiful writing Sonia. And such honesty! It's the prettiest thing.
ReplyDeleteOur paths to brokenness look different, but it's plain to see we both understand what messy people we are. I'll repeat what I said Wednesday though-- recognizing brokenness, and admitting it's futile to try to be enough on our own is the first step towards real transformation. I believe each clumsy step leads me closer to wholeness, freedom, and fulfillment-- I do FEEL that. And I see the same journey being born up in you, little protege.
Thanks for all of this. You made me laugh when talking about your page-number examination of MC. :)
Love love.
15/15